Nettie + Waylon on a Stormy Saturday

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”

~John Steinbeck

I’ve been a fan of John Steinbeck’s work since high school, but no line of his has stayed with me the way this one has. It struck me after my dad died as I was struggling to pinpoint exactly why I felt like his death left me alone in this world when I am surrounded by so many friends and family members whom I love, and who love me, dearly. As this line kept making its way around my head, I realized my dad was the one person with whom I truly did not feel the need to be perfect. Maybe it was because he was so unapologetically himself, good, bad, and everything in between. Or maybe it was the way he always encouraged me to try and celebrated the effort without paying any mind to the success or failure of the endeavor. Or maybe he just got me in a way that others really didn’t and recognized that I needed one place to let down my guard. Understanding this piece of my struggle with his death has inevitably bled over into my views on family photography over the last few years.

The most common concern I hear when it comes to preparing for family photos is something along these lines: “what if my kid is having a bad day/has a meltdown/isn’t cooperating?” I get it. You’re spending time and money on these photos, and not just the time it takes to take them. You’re planning everyone’s outfits, coordinating time and location - all of it. Of course you want everyone to be (or at least appear to be) happy in your photos!

Here’s the deal though: much like the meltdown, this season, too, shall pass. And then you’ll be on to another, full of its own joys and challenges. So I encourage you to to focus less on perfect and more on good. Less focus on ensuring you have nice, happy photos and more on how and what you want to remember - and what you want your children to remember - about this season in your lives. I’ll never say nice portraits don’t matter - they do, and I always try to grab a couple. But I think there is value in bottling up reality too because each season is so fleeting. By letting the kids lead and honoring whatever comes our way, you have an opportunity to give them tangible reminders of the way you comforted them when they skinned a knee, and how you entertained their overwhelming, all-encompassing desire to do nothing but throw rocks, and how they buried their heads and little hands in the warmth of your neck as their alligator tears fell freely and fiercely. You have the opportunity to show your kids all the good there is when we stop focusing on perfection. I know firsthand just how much comfort those reminders can bring as your children get older.

So let’s rethink family photography. When you book your session, I challenge you to really think about what’s so special about this season, even if that thing is simply that it is full of challenges that you’re navigating together. Let’s document it all. And maybe the photos don’t make it to a gallery wall (or maybe they do!), but I hope they’ll make it to a photo album that you pick up frequently and that your kids can take with them when they’re settled in their own homes. I hope that album is full of fingerprints on the pages and smudges from chocolate-covered fingers on the cover: evidence that your kids grew up revisiting pieces of their childhood and getting to know themselves, you, and your relationship better through years of storytelling.